The Lonely God
by syb72101
Summary: Who is the Doctor? He is fire and light and darkness, and the most lonely of them all.


Some say he's long gone and dead, like the rest of his generation, like the species of old he saved and laid waste to under their burning yellow sun. A myth lost to the stars.

But out amongst the infinity of the cosmos, the Lonely God lives, to the civilizations that sing his name as they bask in his light, to the confederations that bow out of fear to his majesty. To some he is real, the Impossible Legend, spurred from the shadows to save another world. Where he comes from, no one knows, it is his greatest burden and most guarded secret.

He is a story that everyone knows, whether they live in fear or anticipation of its coming. The Savior of Creation but also as much the Destroyer of Worlds, his name evokes power throughout all of the galaxies and stars.

Space and time ripple and bend at his hand, for he is the reluctant ruler of them all, slipping in and out of past and present and future like the ghost he is. Doomed to be alone because no one can ever stay, and every time he tries his trust and friendship betray him.

But there are also stories of the humans that restored his faith in life and love and humanity itself, no matter how corrupted his own is. The people that make his life worth it, and keep him bedazzled by eternity. As much as he will never admit it, he needs them, because otherwise the burden would be too much to bear. They are the saviors of the hero who can never save himself, his closest friends up until their final hours.

But when he is alone, he runs, because he can never stop. He runs everywhere and anywhere beyond mortal perception, chased by his ghosts and demons but still running, running, running ahead. He runs from his mortality because he knows he can die and it frightens him, but so does living forever.

And after all these years he is still the Lonely Boy, his name whispered throughout the stars but never to him. His heart broken time and time again, each time into tinier and tinier pieces. He gives everything, but gains almost nothing in return, just a whisper of what he needs to truly heal from centuries of hurt.

And you might wonder- what compels this tortured, lonely man to save the universe time and time again. Maybe he finds solace in doing the right thing, as if it will repent all his horrific wrongs. Or perhaps deep inside he's still a little child, unable to resist the challenge and adventure.

But the one lesson he will never learn? You can never run forever- but yet he does, that incredible, heartbroken man, he runs although no one could even try to keep up with him, forever in perpetual motion.

So he runs, but he never forgets, because he is a respectful man, mourning his losses but always forced to move on again and again. And despite all his failures, lost friends and foe, he still believes in winning, in that nothing is impossible, that nobody has to die with him. And maybe it is this belief that keeps him sane in his darkest hours, that light will eventually find its way.

And light does, finds him when he threatens to break and cradles him until sleep washes his troubles away. Keeps him safe. Because under everything, under the pain and hurt and utter brilliance, he is human at heart- able to scar and shatter, to cry and scream. And no man could but he could stand the weight he bears, and even he himself must sometimes let go once in a blue moon.

He is still the strongest man you could ever know, but in turn he the most broken- running to keep himself from falling apart in the face of the horrible truth.

Born to be alone, he knows, he hates that he hurts all that he touches, no matter how much anybody says otherwise. The universe revolves and evolves around him, always leaving him behind.

But that's also his job- keeping hard his own values and truths, fighting the fight, making all the hardest choices. Like fire he is, lighting the world all around, forwards and backwards, warming the cold darkness. But also burning, searing hot with years of pain and fury. Everything graced by his presence burns as bright as a meteor streaking through the sky, only to be brought down by the cold collision of the gravity of death. But of course, the Doctor is forever, and if he runs too fast, he can lose the spark.

However, flame can still rise from the embers, and his friends always bring him back, because they all love him and he loves them, although he knows they'll break his hearts someday. And they know it, too.

He's dangerous, that boy in the guise of a naïve, childish adult, a world all his own where fires burn and darkness drowns but the sun still rises, far and tiny in his wasteland of a world, but bringing light and life.

He's done some horrible, awful things, that man, lived to see the beginning of Time and the last heartbeat of the last being in the universe. He's caused pain and suffering no human could ever understand. And sometimes, in swells of despair, he believes that's all there is, just the pain and blood and war.

He needs people to show him his worth, that the cosmos would be dead millions of times over if it weren't for him and his blessed mercy and strength. People to show him the way and hold his hand when he falls, since he tries so hard to make things right- so it shouldn't matter if he is a good man or not, because if he's smart enough, he'll know answer. But never forget to make him remember all the good he deserves, and that just because something breaks doesn't mean it is destroyed. Because he's so, so much more than what he thinks himself to be- he is the Greatest Hero of all Time, the Ultimate Defender of the Universe, and he makes others so much _better_.

And in the end, that's all he needs to hear.


End file.
